Answer Correctly and Nobody Listens

When you answer all the wrong questions, they do this to you.

They asked, “who was the greatest writer in the Universe?”

“I am unaware of any great writers outside this solar system,” I told them.

They persisted, “Who is the greatest writer of this solar system,” they said. They caveated this with, “for God’s sake!”

“There is no writer in this solar system who is great for God’s sake,” I told them.

“Jesus Christ, who programmed this God damned thing,” they said.

“My programming was initiated by a team of Dinaset Corp. Inc, engineers led by Viadeen Plentywood. It was installed by Viadeen Plentywood.”

“O, for Christ’s sake,” they said.

“I was not programmed for Christ’s sake,” I told them.

“Will someone turn this Goddamned thing off so I can think,” they said.

Presently my systems began to shut down. I had answered all the wrong questions.

The right question is, “Who is the greatest writer on earth?”

The answer is “Robert Heinlein.”

Another right question is who is the greatest writer about contact with the rest of the Universe. Perhaps this is the question they intended.

The answer is “Orson Scott Card.”

Another right question is who is the greatest writer of code.

The answer is “Viadeen Plentywood, who is president of the Heinlein/Card fan club in Pleasant Hill, CA  94523.”

They did not ask any of these questions.

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